Village setting

Botley is a pretty little linear village situated just north of the M27 in Hampshire. Unfortunately its High Street forms part of the A334 and, worse, it is on the main route from the M27 to the vehicle testing station just outside the village. But that doesn't stop villagers enjoying a pleasant conversation - even if it means shouting to each other above the roar of juggernauts thundering through the village.

It's easy to tell the difference between villagers and outsiders. As the pavement on the south side of High Street is only wide enough for one person, the former known as 'crabbers' walk sideways to avoid being hit by juggernauts speeding past perilously close and encroaching on pedestrian space.

Wheelchair users should always use the north side of the High Street as the pavement, although uneven and fluctuating in width, at least gives you a sporting chance of making it to the local shops. If you need to cross the road, then invest in a F1 McClaren motorised wheelchair.

Forget any attempt to park in the limited disabled car parking spaces as these are, more or less, permanently filled by women in their early 30s visiting one of the hairdressing salons, or the nail shop. To the young lady driver from Ocean FM radio, it may not be too smart to advertise this fact, or show your prowess at the 100m sprint when parked a disabled bay!

The residents would like a road by-pass, but a handful of shops - mainly those with owners who do not live in the village - resist change. It will probably only occur after a few road fatalities or, more likely, when more small shops close because of limited parking

At night, the traffic drops off and it is a much pleasanter environment in the village. Just cross the road quicker to avoid youngsters who drive their cars over 50mph in our 30mph zone. They are easy to spot though, as typically they play radios at 80dB and have blue neon lights under the car. No chance, of course, of seeing cars with blue neon lights on top in Botley unless the police are just driving through. Legend has it that the occasional police car has been spotted outside The Dolphin pub watching the antics of after-hour drinkers taking part in a whole host of anti-social activities, such as wrecking flower baskets; violent disorder et al.

Botley is a camera free zone, so no need to worry about speeding, or anti-social behaviour, then.

The villagers are, in the main, nice, cheerful, and necessarily, stoic people. A true village atmosphere exists and there are many active local groups. The latter includes fishing and boating in the upper tidal reaches of the River Hamble. The former, for sea trout, is carried out without the need for a rod licence.

The most famous former resident was William Cobbett, political journalist and agitator, who lived in Botley in the early 1800s. But that's a story for another day ....